Truth and Trust
by Young Chica
Summary: The real reason why Inara left. PG13
1. How Sweet

Zhe-shing – Sex

Jah-kine – Holy Shit

Sha-Shong - Fuck or Fucking

Beginning, Mess Hall

Kaylee laughed at Simon's joke about his doctorin'. All the crew was around the table, laughing or smiling. Jayne had a smile on his face, shaking his head as he ate some more of his seconds; Book laughed with his mouth open; Mal was smiling tall and mighty, not wanting to give into the funniness of the joke. Zoë and Wash both were cracking up, mainly from the fact they were drunk. Everyone else was just hanging around, like River. She leaned into the table a little and said happily, "Simon, tell them about the wife and her son! About the baby!"

Simon, realizing which one she meant went with the story. "Okay, once, about 2 years ago, there was a boy that had to be there for his mother's birth. His face was white as she..." Simon drowned on as Mal thought back to the anniversary of his and Julie's child, about 20 years or so ago.

* * *

Julie's face was red, sweat running down her face. Mal had his hand in her's, repeating everything that the doctor said to comfort Julie from the pain.

"Its all most here Mrs. Reynold's, your baby girl is almost here. Keep pushing."

"Come on Julie! Almost here, just keep it going!"

Julie looked up at Mal, a possessed look on her face. Evidently, she was annoyed with Mal repeating comforting words. "You repeat one more thin' that doctor says, you'll be in just as much pain as… AHHHHH! ME!" Another contraction had come across as the baby's shoulders came out. The doctor started to talk again.

"She's almost here, two more pushes should do."

Julie lost her patience with the doctor. "You said that 20 pushes ago! If I give one more _sha-shing_ push, I'll box you in the head!"

Mal kept his mouth shut on that one, wanting so dearly to make a snide joke. The doctor didn't seem to notice that Julie had sworn at him, in a rude manner too. She was more concentrating on the baby that was out. The umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby's neck. Her breathing was slowing down as it became tighter. The doctor snapped the cord, removing it as fast as could. The breathing became normal again. Julie laid down, sweat and hair matted on her neck and face. Her hand was sweaty in his hand. Mal reached a shaky hand up to her face and pulled back some of the hair. Their eyes locked. "Can they fix me now?" She smiled, in a way joking, but she truthfully wanted them to fix her. Mal nodded, smiling also. "Yah, two children are enough for us."

Evidently the doctor had heard because she started to talk to Mal, asking him to leave. He removed his hand from Julie's, kissing her forehead. The nurse was cleaning up his baby girl, and as he started to walk out the door, he looked in and saw his little girl sleeping. She hadn't shrieked when she came out and when the doctor cleaned out her throat and nostrils. He had done the same thing, his mother had told him.

Mal looked at Edith, his thirteen-year-old son. He smiled and placed his hand on Edith's shoulder. "You have a baby sister." Edith's smile faded, but soon came back. A tear came down Mal's cheek as he gave his son a hug.

* * *

"Mal? Mal!"

He looked up to hear Inara calling his name and everyone else looking at him. Mal looked at them all. "What?"

Inara gave him the You-know-that-you-are-being-rude look. "Would you like an apple? Book said that he got them specially for us."  
Mal looked at the apples. "No thanks. I'll have one tonight-on duty. I'm going to try and get some sleep before. Night everyone. Kaylee, River, your dish duty tonight." He got up and walked out of the Mess Hall, Kaylee and River either trying to hold back a laugh or groaning rather unusually. The memory of his son and daughter still lingered though.

Mal's Shift

Mal looked up, his eyes wide open, to hear the sound of Wash pounding on his door. "Mal, your shift! I'm going to bed."

He lifted his head up and looked in front of him, the clock on the shelf reading about 2:00 a.m., his shift. Mal grumbled as he put his boots on, then his shirt, leaving his suspenders for last. Once he was out and walking about the dock a bit, he found himself over at Inara's door. She was meant for leave months ago, but she had never gotten around to packing and Mal hadn't gotten around to asking her to stay.

"Gorram", he whispered to himself, the feelings coming back that he always had when he arrived at Inara's door: happiness, giddiness, and butterflies in the empty pit of his stomach that was always dark.

Mal wanted to ignore all the feelings he had towards her, to make them stop, but it went on. He was about to touch the door, some how feeling closer to Inara, but he pulled himself away, his steps slowly getting further and further away from her door. Mal rounded the corner and another to the pilot room. As he sat down in the chair, he had sudden thoughts of Julie, the ones he always discouraged at times like this when he was thinking about Inara.

* * *

Julie smiled at him, her dimples sinking in, making his attitude lighter. He would smile back at her and look away from her eyes a bit, looking out the window of their summerhouse, the artificial waves splashing against his children who were playing outside. Julie looked towards that direction too and looked at their kids, her smile fading. Edith was eighteen and Kayet was five. They both had grown up so fast, she thought. Another thought popped into her head. "Who will take care of Kayet and Edith if we die at this age?"

Mal wasn't ready for this blow, so as he looked down at her, he asked her, "Where in the hell did you get the idea that we might die at this age?"

"That's not what I meant Mal," Julie responded, lifting herself on her elbows to look at Mal in the face. "I meant what would happen if we died, right now. I don't have parents and your mother is getting older. You don't have brothers or sisters that care much and I was an only child. We have no aunts or uncles. Mal, I know what it is to live in an orphanage; it's not good for children. What will happen? Will we find love again, or break down and not ever take notice of much?"

All the questions and what she had just said made a bubble of thoughts enter Mal's head as he looked her dumb-founded. He answered all the questions but one. "Julie, nothing of that sort is going to happen, to either of us. And if it does, I expect Edith to take care of Kayet. And I hope that you find love again. Understood?"

Julie looked at him a minute and then nodded as she sank back into his arms. "I just had to wonder and ask..." He thought he was stupid for looking at her like she was the stupid one for asking, but he couldn't help it. "I know…"

* * *

Mal felt a light tap on his shoulder. He spun his head around quickly to see Inara standing next to him in her fancy nightgown, surprised at his fast acting. She wasn't wearing any jewelry or make-up, her hair was down, and Mal thought it looked like her. They both looked at each other, eye in eye for moments. Inara started first. "I heard something at my door… I didn't know what it was."

His eyes went half lidded as she spoke, like a spell in a way before he spoke quickly after her. "That was me."

Inara had that look of hopefulness in her eyes before speaking on. "Why were you at my door?"

Mal felt the heat in his face rise, knowing that he was in a bit of a tiffy about what to say. He wasn't about ready to tell her he liked her. "I was checking out a squeaky rail – catwalk flooring thing… it's been squeaking lately." Mal flashed her a smile and Inara felt her stomach have butterflies.

"Mal, it hasn't been squeaking-"

"That's because I have fixed it."

Inara gave him a look. "Mal, do you like stalking me?"

Mal had a blank look on his face. He could tell her if he wanted too, but why? He looked at her and in a wavy voice he answered, "No. Why would you think such a thing?"

Inara felt her stomach fall and her eyes swell. No, not now, she thought to herself. I gave him the chance, why would I have feelings for a two-timer like him? But I wish…

"Well, lying about a squeaky catwalk is one thing, you being obsessed is another."

"I am not lying, it really was Gorram squeaky!"

"Well I have never heard it squeak."

"You must be used to it."

Inara suddenly knew what he meant. "Oh, I have?"

Mal looked away, turning his head to look out the pilot window. A look of terror was on his face. Inara, from behind Mal, was filled with anger. She tried to keep her voice from waving as she talked. "I better go off to bed. I have to pack tomorrow." He instantly thought that he blew it. He turned his head around. " Inara?"

She looked in front of her; sure to make it that he didn't see her harsh face. "Yes Malcolm?"

He pulled her hand, making her body turn with it. He saw the anger in her eyes. Mal placed a calloused hand on the nape of her neck as he leaned in to kiss her. Their lips met, first doing nothing but a brotherly, sisterly kiss, but then, it went on to a wary French kiss. As it broke, Inara looked him in the eyes. "Mal…"

Hope was staring at her. "Yeah?"

She searched for words and found herself saying something she regretted. "I have to sleep so I can pack tomorrow." 

"Oh?"

Inara removed his hand from her waist, kissing his cheek and moving away, letting go of his hand at the last possible moment, but her head turning as soon as she could. He felt the heat rise, negative and criticizing thoughts entering his head, watching her leaving him.

Inara, Leaving Cockpit

As she rounded the corner, Inara could feel her eyes swelling even more. She knew he liked her, but why had _she_ rejected his kiss? And make him feel like an idiot?

She closed her door, locking it, and then falling down, her hand still on the door handle, bursting into a fit of tears. Hot and heavy her eyes felt, cold and icy her tears. Inara had wanted to stay in Mal's arms, but found it hard for her to stay. She also found it hard to get up and go back to his arms, tell him her feelings. Instead, she sat down, tears cold and icy.

Next Day, Mess Hall

Kaylee noticed something between Mal and Inara; they weren't making eye contact or speaking, but she could see them look at one another when the other wasn't looking. "You two gettin' into so many fights, why don't 'cha just alwa's be angry? Huh? It is heart breaking, you know. We have enough negativity comin' from you two all the time-" Simon cut in, being gentle with words. "Kaylee, it's alright, nothing to get upset over."

"Who said I was upset, huh?" Kaylee looked at Simon, knowing that she was upset just by the tone of voice she was giving him.

"No one, but –"

Kaylee shot out of her chair. "Then I will be in the engine room!" She went straight out the door, Simon following closely. "Kaylee!"

River looked up from her plate. "He likes her. She likes him. Why aren't they together? Zhe-shing is always on their minds."  
Mal, Jayne, Wash, Zoë, Book and Inara all gagged, coughed, spit or choked on what they were drinking or eating. "River!" They sputtered at the same time.

She shrugged and went back to eating. "They think about it. So do others. Want to—"

Mal interrupted her. "River as much as we know that you enter minds, we would not like to hear about your brother and Kaylee zhe-shinging each other or any other thoughts they have enter their or anyone else's head, is that clear?"

River smiled, straightening her back, in her hand in saluting poise. "Yes Sir!"

Alone, On Catwalk, Mal 

Mal walked along the catwalk, over to Inara's room. The door was open and so he figured it meant anyone could come in. Instead of finding Inara alone, he found Kaylee in Inara's lap, holding a mirror while Inara French braided her hair, and River over at Inara's vanity, smelling all the wonderful perfumes, holding them gently. He smiled, standing by the door, imaging Julie braiding Kayet's hair while Edith, his son, smelled his mother's perfume. He cleared his throat before speaking, making them all look up, the smiles fading away slowly at the realization of whom it was. "May I join this tea party you all have found to enjoy? May I join your frolicking and laughter? Oh please, please?"

River smiled, along with Kaylee at Mal's girly voice. Inara looked at him stonily. "Mal," she warned.

"Oh, I was only hoping to join, be one of the girl's! But I see my request has been denied. I shall go then." Mal smiled and turned only to be yanked back by River, who had a firm hold on his hand. She smiled at him and pulled him into the room, over to the vanity where she started to put make-up and all that fun stuff on him. "Don't make me too pretty now!"

Inara looked at Mal and River, allowing Kaylee to turn her head also. Inara couldn't speak at first, but found herself saying, "River, you know which make-up not to put on him."

River smiled at her and turned back to Mal. " I ain't that fond of pinks," Mal said, letting the girly side go as River took out some pink lipstick.

"It will look good. Trust me." River put it on him, Mal feeling foolish at letting River do this to him. He remembered that he would let Kayet put make-up on him, when she was young. Edith would just laugh at his father's foolishness for letting Kayet have her fun.

When they were finished, Mal looked like a whore who had badly applied make-up and never made enough money buy clothing that fit. He had on some of Inara's clip on earrings and shawls, a skirt that was too small for him to button in the back. He looked in the mirror; Inara was trying not to laugh at his silliness. "I look so fancy. I feel like one of the gals already!"

Kaylee looked at the loving look that Inara gave Mal as she laughed at his silliness. Kaylee busted up with laughter, saying, "River, I think we should leave Inara to clean up Mal. Come on."

River turned, her head plated with French braids, and grabbed Kaylee's hand, bouncing off. Inara called after them. "You had better come by later and help me put it back! Did you hear me?" All she got back for a response was laughter and Jayne's swearing. Inara laughed, turning back to Mal.

"You are such a fool to let them dress you up like this."

"I'm used to it."

"For some reason, that doesn't surprise me." Inara leaned into Mal, taking off the earrings and beret in his hair. She looked him in the eyes before going back to her vanity and putting them away in a drawer. Mal started to take off the skirt and shawl, placing them on the bed. "I had better go off then."

Inara laughed, knowing that he had forgotten about the make-up. "I'm sure Jayne wouldn't make fun of you for the pretty pinks then?"

Mal noticed what she meant. "Gorram!"

"Though if you sit down, I can take that make-up off."

Mal walked over to her bed, sitting down on the edge. Inara pulled out some cotton balls, putting a solution on it before walking over to where Mal was sitting. As she began to wipe away the make-up, she asked him a question that had been in her head. She had it answered already, but she needed to hear him say it. "Why did you kiss me?

Mal instantly felt that same feeling he did that night after the kiss: stupidity. He stuttered a bit as he answered, avoiding her eyes. "I wasn't exactly planning on kissing you. It just happened."

Inara stopped rubbing. He was afraid to answer it the right way, afraid of passion…

The memory of his kiss entered her mind and she wanted to feel the same soft, but chapped lips. She looked at him. "So are you saying that you just kissed me to make me happy, Malcolm, to make me feel stupid? Because I'm feeling pretty stupid!"

Mal knew what she was starting. "Inara, I don't know why I kissed you."

"You don't, but I do."

He searched for something in his head, a way to act. "And that is?"

Inara took in a breath, sharply, getting angry with him again, desire pounding in her stomach. "I was actually hoping that you would inform me as to why. But I can see that you can't say what you mean, you have to hide it like an abused child!"

"You think I am an abused child?" Mal was trying to get off subject, his voice rising at her. "My mother never abused me, it was my father that abused—"

"Mal, that wasn't what I meant. You know what I am talking about, but as always, you push it aside. Do you want me to leave or would you rather me stay so we can stay angry at each other?"

Mal couldn't, _wouldn't_ answer that question, fear collecting in his stomach. He stuttered as he answered her. "I… It's your decision."

Inara felt tears and anger. "Malcolm, get out of my room. You weren't invited and… and you barged in without knocking."

"And now you through me out?" He looked up at her, some of the make-up still on his face.

Inara looked at him and pointed to the door. "Leave Malcolm, now."

He got off the bed and started to walk towards the door, Inara following him, slamming the door once he went out. Everyone had formed a little, Jayne in front of the line. Seeing the make-up made his face lit up. "You tried kissin' Inara? Mal, now why'd you go and try tha—"

Mal gave him a harsh look. "I wasn't kissin' Inara, Jayne. Since you all are here, get ready to drop off Inara. She wants to be dropped at the Whore Training house."

"Mal?" Zoë asked questioningly.

"What?" Mal snapped at her.

"Nothin'…"

He started to move towards his hole, everyone moving back to let him go through. He laid down on his bed, the subliminal message in the fight eched out in his head. Why didn't I say 'stay', Mal thought to himself.


	2. Leaving?

_Reavers. Blood. Screaming. Yelling. Raping. Biting. Death…_

Late, Wash's Shift  
Inara came out of her room, slowly closing the door behind her like she did opening it. She forgot the time that Mal had his shift and didn't know who would be in the pilot room at this time. She slowly and silently walked towards the cockpit, hoping to see Mal sitting in the chair, to talk to him about the subjects on her mind. About her leaving.  
As she came to the doorway, the site of Zoë and Wash pulling at each other's cloth's was the site she saw, not Mal.  
"Ermm... Sorry to interrupt--"  
"_Jah-kine!_ Inara!" Wash and Zoë instantly started to shove their clothes back on. Wash's face was pale and Zoë had never felt so embarrassed. Well she had once, but that was another story and another time.

"No, no! I have seen... this before." Inara wasn't looking at them at this point, but she still wanted to laugh about this, yet she didn't because she didn't want them to be any more embarrassed than they were.  
"I'm sorry, I am..." He looked at Zoë and she was trying to hold back a laugh as she put her shirt on. Zoë leaned forward and kissed Wash. "Meet you in bed hun." She walked past Inara, not looking at her, but a big grin on her face that Inara could see cleanly.  
"Did you need something, Inara?" Wash was trying hard to not talk about what she had just seen. Inara played along with him.  
"When is Mal's shift?"  
Wash looked around, trying to find the paper with the shifts on it. He knew the time, since he memorized it and was never late to get to bed with Zoë and make Mal get up. He found Mal's name and looked up at Inara. "In about 15 minutes, why?"  
Inara was the one trying not to look embarrassed. It was normally easy for her to hide the flushed look, but for a reason, it was hard this time. "No reason, just need to talk to him about my leave."  
Wash looked at her suspiciously. "Wouldn't you rather talk to him in the morning? It's a bit late isn't it?"  
Inara felt the pressure and she wanted him to get the picture across. "Can't you wait to _zhe-shing_ Zoë when you get to bed, instead of doing it here?" It was unlike Inara to talk like this, and to Wash or anyone. He got her drift and decided to change the subject. "Aren't the stars pretty at this time of night? The big black making them stand out."  
Inara nodded and smiled. "Yeah." She thought for a moment. "I'll take your shift, until Mal's, if you want?"  
Wash looked back at her, the look of surprise on his face. "You would?"  
Inara nodded. "You seem like you need some entertainment for awhile."

Wash got out of his seat and walked past Inara, stopping once he got back onto the catwalk, turning back around. "You won't…"  
"No I won't tell Wash."  
He nodded and then bounded over to his door, kicking it open and climbing down.

Mal's Room

Mal was flexing his muscles in his sleep, the dream making him create cold sweat. He shivered a couple of times, the blanket on the floor beside him. It had feel off after his hundredth time of tossing and turning.

_Reavers. Blood. Screaming. Yelling. Raping. Biting._

It was a horrible dream, but the whole dream calmed down shortly, turning into a familiar memory, the conversation that he had with his son's fiancée.

Mal smiled as his son pulled his girlfriend from behind the door and said it again. "I'm getting married dad. Reenee Maxwell, the girl I used to hang out with down the street, her and I have been dating since we were 18 and we decided that we would get married. I asked her last month. We want to get married in May." Reenee gave a small smile as she looked down at the floor, slipping her hand into Edith's, poking him in the side at the same time. Mal didn't have a smile on his face this time until he felt a sharp poke in his side as Julie slipped her hand into his hand. He forced a smile, "Congratulations then."  
Julie smiled and walked over to Reenee. "Welcome to the family, hun." She hugged Reenee, who shyly hugged her back. "Thank you Mrs. Reynolds." A wary smile came across her face.  
Mal looked at Edith, a bit disturbed. "Can I talk to Reenee for a moment?" At that, both Reenee and Edith frowned. She looked like she would burst into tears. Julie scowled at Mal. He had caught Edith and Mal having sex once when Julie and Mal were out, hence the reason for Mal being so uptight. Reenee slowly came forth and walked with Mal into the kitchen. He got to the point. "You aren't…" He choked a bit to find the word that would complete the question. He found himself whispering it. "Pregnant?"  
She shook her head a bit. "No. We're getting married because we want to, not because I'm pregnant."  
"But you aren't... pregnant?"  
"No!"  
Mal smiled. "Then welcome to the family."

Reenee smiled, exhaling a breath she hadn't felt herself hold. She opened her arms and went into his chest, hugging Mal. He looked a bit uncomfortable; the only two girls he ever had hug him was Kayet and Julie, but even then, he was going to have to get used to hugging another girl, another daughter.

Mal woke up to a light knock on his door. "Wha'?" He asked groggily and almost absent-mindedly. His head was in the air, his hair mashed on one side of his head. A voice, soft and elegant answered. "Mal, I need to talk to you. And it's your shift."  
Inara. Mal felt his heart jump. "M'kay. Be out in a minute." He got up as fast as he could, throwing his shirt on, pants, boots, and suspenders. He dragged his fingers throw his hair, least worried about it. His breath... it smelled like shit. He brushed his teeth and was quickly out of his hole, in front of Inara. She gave him a small and short smile. "Hey."  
"Hey." Mal started to walk towards the kitchen, not knowing what she wanted. Inara followed him, sitting down at the table once in the room. Mal took out two cups, putting tea bags in each and turning the heat on the stove.  
Inara watched him. "Can you put sugar in that please?" Mal nodded, not looking up as he grabbed the sugar jar and added the amount needed. She wanted to talk to him about some other things, and needed to ask him a question, plus ask him about her leave if all went wrong. She felt her jaw open and close many times, wanting to say something, nothing coming out. She looked down at her hands, but soon looked up at Mal. He was looking into space, his arms crossed firmly across his chest.  
She opened her mouth again and this time she found the words that she had lost its way out of her mouth, "Mal, do you want me to leave?" She wanted to ask him something else, but she had chosen the "needed" question. His look at her was surprise, as his mouth opened but nothing came out. "I mean do you really want me to leave?"  
Mal felt the heat in his face rise. He looked at the cups, his arms coming down off his chest, resting on the counter. His mouth opened again, words spilling out, "No. I want you to stay, but the question is, do you want to go? It is your decision. It's like you said before, do you want to stay here and we continue the fighting, or would you rather leave?"  
Inara looked up. She didn't want to leave, but she knew that the fighting between them would increase if she did stay. "Mal, I do want to stay, but the fighting... we would have to work something out to stop us from fighting." She and Mal smiled or laughed at the same time, knowing that it would have been impossible for the fighting to stop, no matter the agreement.

"Inara, you are always welcome to stay, I wouldn't want you to leave if you didn't want too."   
"Thank you Malcolm. I'll think on it." Inara got up just as the water whistled. Mal turned off the stove fast, not wanting to wake anyone. "Do you want to stay and drink your tea?" Inara turned around. "Oh, yes please. Sorry, I had forgotten about it." She started towards her tea. The space from the oven and the table where the two cups were at was tight. Mal was leaning against the counter, sipping the tea from his mug, making faces once in a while. Inara squeezed past him to get her cup, but as she started to try and get past him, she got stuck. Her nightdress had gotten caught on a piece of metal sticking out of the floor. She tried to pull it out but it was wedged pretty good. "Mal, do you mind getting that loose for me?" Mal stood with the mug in one hand, the other one tucked under his arm. He was comfortable, but as Inara gave him a more demanding look, he put the mug down and went on his knee, starting to play with the fabric rather than trying to get it out.  
The whole while, Inara was feeling rather heated. She was thinking about the other burning questions that were running in her head. _Why did you kiss me? _The other one was less of value to her, but it was if something went wrong when she asked him the fist question: _When would you like me to leave in the morning? _

She turned her head and looked down at him, still fumbling with the fabric. "Mal?"  
He didn't look up as he answered her, "Hmmm?"  
"Why did you kiss me?"  
Mal stopped playing with the fabric for a moment as the question set him off guard. He kept his eyes on the fabric as he began playing with it again. He didn't answer her for a long while, and just as Inara opened her mouth to ask him again, a bit louder, he answered her. "Because... I have my reasons for kissing you." The heat was rising in the room or was it just Mal?  
She inhaled a small breath. "Was one of the reasons because you like me or was it because it was nighttime and I had come in, felt a bit upset and you decided to calm me down with a kiss?"  
Mal hadn't noticed that she was upset until he had turned her around to look at him before he kissed her that night. The fabric came loose from the metal, but he kept playing with the hem of the nightgown, trying to make the small hole disappear from it. "I did it because I... like you." He felt weird telling her this. An empty feeling was left along with being ashamed.  
Inara turned around, the dress getting out of Mal's hands. She kneeled down in front of him, lifting his chin up. She looked him in the eyes before kissing him, gently, gracefully on the lips. They weren't as chapped as before, but they still felt nice, to be meeting her lips once again. As she pulled back, Mal had a look of shock at first. Inara smiled a bit at him. "That's all I wanted to hear." She turned and got up, all at the same time, but she felt a slight tug on her hand as Mal pulled her back, kissing her harder this time, making them breath harder with each kiss. As they pulled back, Inara took a step back, slipping her hand into his. She looked at him a bit. "Mal?"  
He didn't feel the heat rise as much, but he felt it come. "Yes?"  
"I'm not going to leave."  
"I'm happy for that."


	3. Wistful

Morning

Mal awoke to the same thoughts and feelings as normal: hate, sadness, and guilt. He heard a taping noise at his door. "Go away!"  
He heard another noise. It was muffled. "Mal, get the gorram up! Problems..." It was Jayne and he didn't sound too happy. Mal heard laughter. Surprise birthday party. How did they find out? Kaylee knew everything, so it had to be her.  
Mal grumbled. "Give me a moment." He got up, putting his clothing on and went up the stairs. No one was laughing by his door. Actually no one was there. It was rather dark. Mal knew it was morning, his clock had said it was morning. He went into the kitchen, where everyone yelled out as soon as he stepped in, "Happy Birthday Mal!"

Mal acted surprised and let Kaylee push him into the chair were she brought out her famous tofu, protein friendly birthday cake. He smiled and forced himself to eat it and open the presents, which was a new holster from Zoë, Wash, and Jayne he had paid Zoë to add him with the present, shining powder for his gun from Kaylee, and new boots from Simon and River.

He looked over at Inara, who was the only person who didn't give him a gift. "So, where is my gift from you?"  
Inara got up and moved towards Mal, giving him a French kiss, in front of everyone. The next thing he knew, he was kissing Julie, in their bedroom. A noise. They broke the kiss, his hands her up back. She turned towards the door. "What was that?"

Mal shrugged. "I don't know."

_Screaming. Blood. Bones breaking. Cracking. Screaming..._

Mal woke up in a jolt. He was panting, cold sweat running down his face. The same dream. Mal got up and walked over to the sink. He looked in the mirror, his face turning angry as he punched it, making it spider web, a few pieces of glass sticking to his knuckles. He didn't yelp, or cry, but just swore and put his clothes on, walking up the ladder to the kitchen, ignoring all the noises and Jayne's soft snoring in the cockpit. He walked straight to Inara's room.

Knocking on the door softly, he waited. Inara came to the door sluggishly. When she saw Mal, she rolled her eyes and pulled him in softly. "Mal, what do you need?"

He rubbed his head with his bad hand. He had forgotten about it and it stung badly. "Khan-lah fuh iso muah!"  
Inara took his hand into her hand, pulling gently at his wrist beckoning him over to her vanity. She grabbed her first aid kit and started to pick at the wound, taking the glass out of it. "Damn Mal, what did you do, destroy your mirror or something?"  
Mal looked sheepishly down. She rolled her eyes with a sigh as she continued. She sighed again, lightly this time, touching his wound, trying to get the some of the glass out that he had been so careless not to do himself. He instantly flinched, pulling away a bit, but Inara had a firm hold on his hand.

"No," she whispered softly to him.

"But it gorram hurts!" he grumbled back at her.

"Then go along, get an infection, because I know Simon won't want to help a childish patient that is a grown man. Shu-feh, Mal, shu-feh." Inara angrily got up and stormed over to put the first aid kit away. Mal watched her, knowing what she was thinking.

"Do you really want to leave?"

Inara turned around slowly, looking up at him, shaking her head. "Mal, I don't _want_ to leave. Your making it sound like I _have_ to go or I am seriously thinking about leaving. I'm not. I would miss our fights too much." She smiled at him, returning to the vanity chair, the aid in her hand. She took out some cleansing fluid, gaze pad, and bandage tape. She went back to picking out the glass, fresh blood under her nails. Mal winced, but didn't take his hand back from her. Instead he watched, noticing she was being gentle and soft with taking out the glass.

"It seems different, seeing your hands get all bloody like that." Inara looked up and smiled.

"Well, it's not like I haven't done this before." She gave him a quick smile before returning to cleansing out his hand.

Bombs were going off in the background; Zoë was trying to stop the bleeding, her assistant or the doctor's assistant the doctor was in a million pieces scattered somewhere across the battle field giving her the instruments to help take the bullet out. The battle was getting worse. Mal returned from outside, bringing in with him only two boys, the other eight dead. They should have listened instead of goofing of out there, Mal thought to himself: he was trying to pull the weight of guilt off of him. It wasn't working, only making him feel worse.

Zoë made a mad grunt. "Gorram! Mal, he's fading. Paul, get his body in an upright position, slowly. We have to get the blood pumping through his body." Zoë shouted above the war bombs. Paul did as told. Zoë started to push on the bloody heart, exposed from her incision she made to get the bullet out. She had made it wider by a bit, hoping that she could get her fingers on his heart, pushing it every two seconds. The boy had passed out a while ago. She waited to see if the heart was pumping by itself. No. She looked at the boy's face. Pale and blue. Dead. "Ahhh! FUCK!"

Mal looked up to see Zoë standing above the boy, her head bent. He came closer to Zoë, pulling her away. "Zoë, don't worry about it. Paul, set the body down, close the wound. Make sure he had his name tag on him." Zoë slapped him firmly across the cheek.

"We are not leaving him Mal! I won't—"  
"Zoë, I am not going to lose you because of someone that died. I need you, all of us do. We are all going to gorram get out of this alive, you following!"

She gave him a harsh look, turning away from the body, following Mal. About 5 minutes later, a bomb hit the exact spot of where they had been. Zoë looked at Mal, anger flooding to her face, but she turned and went on.

Mal felt a tugging on his hand and saw that Inara had put a wrap on it, to make sure no infection would happen. "Thanks."

She smiled at him and got up to put the box back in the cupboard. Mal got up and started to move towards her, but he stalled as she turned around. Their eyes were intense as they met, not looking away. Inara walked over towards her door, Mal following her. He was surprised to find her closing her door. Inara turned back and looked at Mal with the same expression he was giving her. He looked down and laughed a bit. "I thought you were going to lead me out."

Inara smiled shyly and opened the door back up. Mal started to walk down again, but Inara stopped him shortly. "Mal?"

He turned around, lazily looking back up at her. "Yes?"

Inara leaned forward, wrapping her arm around his shoulder and neck. Mal was surprised at first, but ended up hugging her close. She pulled him inside of her room, breaking away to close the door. Mal smiled as she pulled him over to the bed and stood above him taking his suspenders off and pushing him onto the bed, crawling on him. Mal wrapped his arms around her, taking in her kisses like candy.

Later 

Mal kissed Inara's neck, the sweet coming off of them both; heavy breathing as he gave her one last push and turned over, both of them trying to slow their breathing down. Inara felt better that Mal had taken control; she finally got some time off from being the controlled one. She found his hand, pulling it over her as she pulled him closer, giving him one last kiss. She leaned close to him and laid her head on his chest, her feet hanging off the side of the bed. Her breasts were bare and she looked up at Mal, a small smile on both of their faces.

Knocking was at the door. Had they forgotten the time? Mal swore as he rolled out of the bed in a panic and got on the other side of the bed, laying flat on the floor naked. Inara threw her clothes over where he was at, putting her robe on. She opened the door, Jayne standing there. He looked at her suspiciously. "Where is Mal?"

Inara sighed and gave him a stern look. "You truly think that Mal is in here Jayne? Haven't you noticed I have been a bit pissed at him lately?"

Jayne looked at her, speechless. "Well...no, but.. Wash said he last saw you with Mal. So I thought..."

He didn't finish his sentence when he saw the look on Inara's face. "Just tell him that we are looking for him."

Inara closed the door in Jayne's face, seeing Mal get up and start to put his clothes back on. Inara sat back on her bed, looking up at Mal, watching him. "Coming back?"

Mal looked at her, leaning over, he kissed her on the top of her head. "No, I'm going to leave you pregnant for the hellhole." He could tell that she was being serious. "Do you want me too?"

Inara didn't answer him.


End file.
